the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
