i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
