My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
this is an emotional support booty call
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
