I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think my fart just growled at me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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