She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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