I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
