office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
