Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
