I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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