Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I die, sorry about rent.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
