i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
