it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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