I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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