omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
