found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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