Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
