if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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