Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
