I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
