I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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