I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
