come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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