I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
