just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
