Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
