so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
