You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
