So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The dick lei will go down in squad history
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
