you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We are all done wearing pants today
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
