my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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