I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
