Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
