Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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