my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
