What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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