don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
