sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
