It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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