Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
