Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
