when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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