i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
