my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
