Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
