I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
