so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
