Im at strip club and am horny
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
