i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
