Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So squirting runs in the family.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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