i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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